The Fellatio-Flagration of Colbert

Oh that Stephen Colbert! SO! A deplorable crime was once again committed against Our Great Leader by some two-bit comic hack with some silly, unheard of Late Show… at night even. This crime? Well, let us get to some background on this first. It all started way back when, on the 14^th of June, 1946, there was born a son to parents Fred and Mary Anne… okay, fast forward a bit… and then he became President of the United States of America. His name was Donald J. Trump (and still is, as far as we know). Great, I love getting the background out of the way with some expedience. But there’s a little more. See, as of this particular inception of BS, there is still an FBI investigation into possible ties between Trump and Russian high officials, as well as direct Russian interference with the election  performed for the purpose of making Trump President of the US. Obviously, all the Trump supporters who were desperately pushing for investigations into Birth Certificates, Benghazi, and Email-gate are TOTALLY on board with making certain that our current POTUS isn’t ‘in bed’ with a foreign power and working to undermine American primacy in the world.                                                            “Whatever joo say mang!” No, of course they don’t care whether they sell out the future of the US or the world. Just so long as they can have a guy in power who sufficiently represents all their dreams and desires to be just as Rich, Swaggering, Belligerent, Powerful, and Ignorant as he is without ever giving an ever-loving shit about what anyone thinks. By living vicariously through Trump, all their fears are quelled, all their insecurities are placated. They are now in the tribe that has ‘won’… and it’s not a coincidence that they LOVE to point that out. But this Putin+Trump thing bothers them, a great deal, and for a reason. Well, a lot of reasons. The first one is that they can’t deny that Trump has lavished praise on Putin. Okay, so they go along with it and start saying that, “Maybe Putin isn’t so bad.” The obvious reason is that today’s conservatives can’t possibly ever undermine, even in thought, a leader that has given them the sense of political relevance that Trump has. That would be very… un-tribal of them. And THAT is where Stephen Colbert comes in. Well… here, at least. He’s been relevant and even one of my non-diefic idols for a while now. So it’s my pleasure to get to reference him today. Why? Because of the bullshit of certain dishonest actors, of course. So here’s what he said during a righteous dis of Trump, a Trump who had brought this dis of righteous dis-proportions upon himself for being dis-engaged, dis-interested, and Dis-respectful of a highly respected journalist. That exchange went down thusly: Yeah, how dare an actual journalist like John Dickerson ask a president if he stands by his own accusations of his predecessor?!?! Seriously, what is journalism coming to these days when ‘so-called journalists’ are allowed to use people’s actual quotes and question them about their own words?                                                             *The future of Journalism* So, let’s recap real quick before we get to the meat of the issue: Trump is under investigation for his apparent subservience to Putin. He’s also done a few things that are favorable to his seeming BFF Vlad. Quickest. Recap. Ever. And here is what Colbert said: The exact quote that everyone has their panties in a bunch over? “In fact the only thing your [Trump’s] mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin’s **** holster.” (Start at 10:45 for that particular ride) That’s right, they fucking bleeped it. It’s fucking CBS! DUH! They can’t actually say shit… or even shit that’s related to shit. So, do you want to hear the actual joke? Anyone who’s offended by this is in tacit admission of having a dirty mind. So, do all you ‘family values’, stick-up-the-ass Pollyannas feel good about hearing what you wanted to hear? But fuck it. Let’s just say that he DID say Trump’s mouth was Putin’s  “Cock holster”. Pfft! I ca…. I mean… it….. I…. . . . . Okay, I’m better now. So here’s the big whine: “Colbert is a homophobe because he dared to suggest that sucking cock is about subservience!” (Sorry to the Trump fans for all the big words. This should help.) Here’s the crux of the bullshit: This is the conflation of the depiction of servitude with an act of actual intimacy where the giver and receiver are in mutual and enthusiastic consent. Whether you are straight or gay, you should certainly know the difference between oral sex for intimacy, and oral sex as an obligation or payment for something else.

In Colbert’s case, his quote obviously wasn’t about mutual intimacy, it was about power. Power that Putin could have, and by all appearances does have, over Trump… Otherwise, why would Trump have been into such a ‘fella-ship’ with him? No, in this case, the outrage is from those who love to deal in conflation and logical fallacies in order to parrot and promulgate a message of morons: That Colbert MUST be a homophobe because he made Trump look gay. I’m not one to judge. So even though Trump was unsatisfied with (at least) two wives, and even though I don’t care if Trump actually has a man-crush on Putin, I can say that Colbert definitely ‘Hit the cock on the head’ with his most excellent tirade. Funny how so many conservatives and closeted gay Republicans just can’t make such crucial distinctions. I mean, does this look consensual to you?

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